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Please dear mother of God...for my own good as well as his...DON'T LET HIM CHANGE HIS FUCKIN MIND AGAIN.

That's really all I want to say right now. That and if you happen to be of the male persuasion *and I know you personally*...no offense...but please don't respond to this. I need about two or three weeks without guys to prove to myself I can live without them.

And I also overflowed the pool last night. Go me. I rule. I turned the water on to fill it up to where it's supposed to be and forgot about it for six or seven hours. *sigh* At least Barb didn't make it out to be a big deal when she got there in the morning. Apparently everyone does it quite a bit around there. Workplace full of scatterbrains.

I HAVE to start looking for another job. Does anyone know if newspaper places will deliver just a single issue to your house? I mean really...I need to find a job somewhere away from here and so far that is really hard when the places aren't major areas.

I'm surprised I'm not totally upset over this. That's what I said the last time too. Hmmmm...maybe I should start paying attention to these post break up feelings and realize he's not really what I want. Too bad for me what I want isn't out there. I want a cute, responsible man. I'm sick of dating party animal boys.

Well that clears up any guilt I'd have about Halloween though. Now doesn't it? No strings. I'll go where I want and do what I want.

I'm acutally feeling amazing about myself right now. Even though there is a long way to go before I become what I want, I feel confident that I'm on my way to getting there. Not having to try and be someone that I'm not is going to help. What I said tonight was true. I will not compromise myself for another person. If another person makes a suggestion and I can see merit in what they are saying and feel that I can be a better person because of what they tell me to do...I will try to change. But not otherwise. I am who I am. I'm not going to turn into someone else. I will not be molded by others. Fuck them.

I need someone I can talk to right now. Someone HERE...who can hold me and let me cry. Let me cry but know I'm okay...that I just need to cry. Someone who says they care and I know they mean it. I need a shoulder.

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
dumud
Oct. 7th, 2004 09:18 pm (UTC)
feeling amazing about myself
I love live-journal

as a recovering sex-aholic, I've had one short-lived tho torrid affair in some five years or so

it lasted maybe three weeks

in five years


let's be clear, in five years I've been laid three times.. << and during a span contained within a three week period

if I can feel excellent, doing without, becoming more, I'm sure I'm not alone

theater_chica
Oct. 7th, 2004 10:01 pm (UTC)
Re: feeling amazing about myself
So we're writing from two extremes...you...the "can't get enough" side and me the "I don't want it" side. Interesting.

Yeah...I can't help it that I don't have a sex drive for him. It's his major sticking point. Everytime this happens I feel relief that I'm free but then keep going back. Can't happen this time. I need a swift kick in the ass.
laughafterwords
Oct. 7th, 2004 10:10 pm (UTC)
the "can't get enough" side
actually, I've had quite enough
which was the whole point
"get enough"
once you've got-it, it's yours
see?
theater_chica
Oct. 7th, 2004 10:16 pm (UTC)
Re: the "can't get enough" side
Oh..but the thing is...I can't. The people I want are the ones that want nothing to do with me and the others are creepy. For the most part.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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