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Clarity?

Gah. I really don't like where I'm at right now. Jess called me the other day to let me know her and her boyfriend broke up and for some strange reason...while I feel bad for her...I'm also insanely jealous. I need to learn not to rush into things.

I'd be really really happy if I'd never really "moved" here. I love doing things with Dan occasionally...but having to see him every day is just too much. We had a "good" talk the other day and he totally agrees that once school starts there's no way to keep this up...which in a way I guess is a relief. But at the same time it just makes me want to count down the days even more. I just wanted a relationship where I'd see the person a few times a week...go out on a few dates. But as usually things skyrocketed out of control. Now if I so much as leave I feel like I'm EXPECTED to keep in touch. I really want to just be able to live. I can't wait until school starts and I'll have my own place. Even if Jesse's there for awhile at a time I'll still have WEEKS...FUCKING WEEKS where I don't have to answer to anyone. I can go home an eat and entire box of mac and cheese and not feel guilty about it. I can watch what I want on TV. I can sprawl all over my damn bed and not have to toss and turn AROUND someone else. Not feel stupid because I need to put a pillow between my knees because it hurts when they rub together. Just stupid stuff that I need right now.

I went to see the nurse practitioner yesterday. She recomended that I have some thyroid tests done to see if that's what is causing my whiteout spells and appetite changes. I guess I'm glad I'm losing the weight...but it's still concerning. I'd rather be losing it the right way rather than just never eatting anything. There's some yoga classes and pilates classes at the same center too so I'm thinking about maybe trying that out just to get a little more active again. Mum and I keep talking about joining the YMCA but it's really spendy on a tight budget. Plus with all my upcoming doctor's expenses that I really can't afford it would be pushing it. Hopefully once the SNOW *yeah...we have snow sticking to the ground again* clears up I'll feel more like getting outside and wandering around.

Hmmmm...what else. We had a staff meeting at work yesterday. So help me god if Ron says one more time "yeah but" I'm going to fucking puke. It would just make life easier if he could just take the comments and leave it at that. He's the one right now that's making work a living hell. Even Barb is getting easier to deal with. I just can't stand the fact the man can't get over that MAYBE he is doing something wrong. He used to work at the Lakeview and can't seem to get it into his super thick skull that WE ARE NOT THE LAKEVIEW...they may have been owned by the same people but that doesn't mean that we do things the same way.


OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...I went bowling last weekend and guess what I bowled. A fucking 200!!! Yeah...that's right bitch. My old high was 164 though so I really don't think this is going to be a reaccuring thing. My aveage is about 145-150 now though so I'm slowing but surely getting better. Yay.

Okay...enough of being a dork. I'm outta here.

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
thethinwhtduke
Apr. 27th, 2005 08:20 pm (UTC)
you know.... it'd be great if you could go to the capitol community healthcare clinic here. mom goes there, and i think she pays $20 for the dr visit, and $20 for dental. not to mention that they have a drug program, and she's getting her insulin (the pre done pens) for free.
theater_chica
Apr. 27th, 2005 11:20 pm (UTC)
Four more months and I'll be down there...I shall bookmark this for future reference. Thanks:)
thethinwhtduke
Apr. 28th, 2005 12:18 am (UTC)
no problem! just hit me up, and i'll give you the address and phone numbers for all of it.
pilot_down
Apr. 28th, 2005 12:59 am (UTC)
Amen to all of that!

And what a surprise that it's SNOWING in Eagle River at the end of fucking April. It's been shit weather here too though. But at least no snow sticking to the ground!
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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