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I hate...

I really hate all the conflicting feelings I've been having lately. I know that the things I'm going through are justified and that all the feelings I'm having aren't abnormal...but at the same time I feel as though I should have worked through all these things by now. It's been a couple months and I'm feeling the way I think I should have felt in July. I'm sort of crippled by the way I'm feeling empty and lost.

I also hate the fact I'm overemotional. Things that don't normally bother are bugging the hell out of me right now. I think a lot of it stems from the fact I don't have many people I can really talk to and feel like I'm not being judged. Jessica said she was going to ask someone where I should call to see about sliding scale counseling...but I haven't talked to her in a couple days and I truely don't know where to begin a search. I'm still trying to figure out where a doctor I can afford is so I can get my drivers lisence changed.

I'm really torn about even staying in Illinois. I love Sean and I can't imagine leaving him. But I really can't imagine staying in Decatur...especially a coulple blocks from dad's house. I had a very difficult time when dad moved down here and sold the house up north. I felt like a part of my life was no longer available. I didn't spend a lot of time at dad's...but I did stay with him a whole summer and that house was the memory I have most of him. This whole city is. I can't really enjoy myself when everything reminds me of him or something I did with him or he would say or do. I REALLY think I'd be doing better if I was somewhere else. I'm sure I'd still have a hard time...but perhaps I'd also be able to function.

Eh...I'm sleepy and babbling. I just wanted to get some things off my chest.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
guavmom
Sep. 3rd, 2006 12:12 pm (UTC)
Sweetie, I'm so sorry for your loss, and for what you're pesently going through. Most fair sized cities, and even smaller towns have Mental Health Clinics that operate on a sliding scale. Just look in your Yellow Pages under " Mental Health Services".

A move may be appropriate, but perhaps counseling would be a better place to begin. This is probably not the time for a major change, such as moving. Good luck, and I'll keep you in my thoughts.
coyote79
Sep. 3rd, 2006 09:28 pm (UTC)
I'm always here if ya wanna vent on someone who cares too.

meatrace
Sep. 3rd, 2006 11:52 pm (UTC)
ditto here. being male theres not a ready solution to your problems (as they're not those kind of problems). all i can say is time heals all wounds, and there will be a time (sooner than later I hope for your sake) where being where you are brings no pain but only pleasant memories.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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