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So...it's been awhile since I've posted anything in here. I just don't feel like anything happening is worth sharing. Or more accurately what is worth sharing I'm just embarrassed and depressed about I don't really feel like sharing it.

My "relationship" is shit right now. 99% of it is my fault. I don't really feel like going into detail...but I'm a stupid idiot. The probably is I don't want to give up what I need to give up to even give it a chance. After the things I've gone through my one rule is to not give up things that I enjoy for someone else...no matter what. I really think I would be willing to if it wasn't for the fact that deep down I know I don't have anything to give it up for. I don't have love, I don't really have a relationship. If I'm going to give something up, I need to at least know I have love, something real. I'm pretty sure my stupidity ruined that...and I'm just leery about losing EVERYTHING. At least I have travel, friends, and I'm getting to see even more of the country this way. It's a hard choice, but I'm going with my gut feelings to stay sane right now.

I'm actually not nearly as put together as everyone here is saying I seem. I'm still angry and upset. But I figure I need to plow forward. I don't want to end up in a relationship that consumes me for five or six years only to realize that I never had what I needed to begin with.

Onto less depressing topics...I went to the Omaha zoo today. I got to see the two day old baby monkey...who was cute...I could have done without looking at all the poopy monkey butts though. Oh well...gotta take the good with the bad I guess.

I finished my summer classes last week. Fairly certain I got A's in both. Grades will offically be up tomorrow...so we'll see.

Mum threw me a half-birthday surprise party while I was up north. It was cool. We had cake and a poker party. More than I got for my *actual* birthday at home. Figures.

Anyhow...I need to grab some dinner. Laters peeps.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
guavmom
Aug. 1st, 2007 02:04 am (UTC)
I'm sorry that you're feeling down, but I congratulate you on the stand you are taking, vis a vis your relationship. Too many gals throw too much away, intrests, friends, space, etc., to maintain a relatuionship that isn't even nurtuting and supportive. I say go with your gut. You shouldn't have to scarifice one thing for the other. I wish more of my friends would have the epiphany you've had.

Hang in there!
karaen
Aug. 1st, 2007 06:54 am (UTC)
Always good to know that your alive :3
yourmombitesass
Aug. 8th, 2007 10:51 pm (UTC)
I wasted three years of time and effort on a relationship with a guy who cheated and isn't even my friend anymore. Why waste the time and effort if it isn't the real thing? Besides, while you're doing that you might miss out on meeting 'the one'. And I do believe there is someone like that for everyone.

//We had cake and a poker party//

I misread as COKE and poker and was like, SHIT, good times. haha. oops.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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