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Oh dear Lord above....

The current astral configuration gives you the opportunity to find a much-needed source of courage. The only problem is that you may be tempted to overdo it. If you have been writing to someone whom you have not yet had a chance to meet in person, but would very much like to, then you need to let them know how you are feeling. Be brave, but not foolhardy!

That would be the horoscope for today. Now could this possibly come at a worse time? I'm not once to believe in that stuff...but how creepy is that? Stephen will be here in a couple weeks, he just started spending time with his major high school crush...and I'm supposed to tell him how I feel. I'll pass and chalk it up to being foolhardy :)

In other news...I still haven't figured out how I'm going to talk to my dad about moving. I need to do that...now. I think I'll do that as soon as I get done with this entry.

Jesse seems to be doing well. I seem to be doing well. I've made it 24 hours with not so much as a tear. I feel guilty for not feeling worse almost. I mean I do love him and I would love to make things work, but at the same time I know it's never going to happen so I don't want to waste my time. That's how I feel about it...that he's a waste of my time. When I see him it's just too hard not to cuddle and kiss him and the problem is if I do that I start to feel like there's a chance and I know there's not and it's just a big game. I find it so ironic how he always said I was playing games yet when you look at it he is the one that's playing them now. At least he called WPS and got my name off the electric bill. Oh yes, another thing...

I hope like hell he'll give me the security money back. Dave asked me if I wanted to go down to New Orleans next year for Mardi Gras and said the tickets are about $200 right now...but it's just going to keep going up. It would be so nice to be able to buy the tickets now and just have to worry about food money and stuff like that. I'd love to go down there and get a chance to visit with him, it was great having lunch a few weeks ago. He's back to his normal self and I've missed that. I'd never start dating him again, but he was such a good friend it's nice to have him back and out of Amy's claws. So we'll see how that goes...it's not that Jesse doesn't want to give me the money....but he's got so much other stuff to worry about and I'm sure I'm not high on his list. I mean after all giving me money isn't going to help him at all so I'm fairly certain I'm near the bottom of the "bills I need to pay" list. I told him not to worry about the whole $400...to take my half of the heat and electricity out of it. So he only owes me $335 I think we said. But every little bit helps.

I'm trying to write some creative stuff to get my mind off things...so far all of it's been crappy. I find it hard to write when I'm pissed/upset. I usually write stuff that sounds like that when I'm in a good mood...and as far as happy stuff I don't do happy all that often.

Anyhow...I think I'm going to try writing to dad again...

Night night world.

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