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Sometimes I get the feeling I'm the only person my age that thinks like I do. I mean, the majority of people our age find going out to parties and drinking and getting high and crap like that exciting and fun. I find it absolutely repulsive. Well that's going to far. I can enjoy myself in that atmosphere, but I don't partake in the drinking and drugs. And I get along with people that are into that scene...it's when people think that I'm "weird" for not wanting to fuck up my life with that shit.

That and looking at why Jesse doesn't feel that we have a future infurates me. Because I shut off the car before I put gas in it? Sorry I don't want to blow the place up. Because I don't want to spend my life savings on drugs and liquor and waste my life away with it. It's fine if he does. I've never once said he couldn't do those things. He should be looking at all his friends who come over and refuse to have a bowl with him because they say their girlfriend will smell it on them and get pissed. At least he doesn't have to HIDE the shit from me. Sure I get annoyed at times, but it's his life and he can do what he wants. There's a million stupid things like that.
I try to tell myself I don't need to go through this shit...but it's very hard to just cut ties to someone you love. Plus where would I go to live. I'm not going back to mothers, and while I'd probably have enough to pay for my own place I don't have enough for securtiy and stuff upfront until Jesse gives me back the security for THIS place...and well he's owned me that for months. He owes another roommate the security that moved out too...so there's not a real good chance of seeing it soon, much less ever.

So going back to the whole "am I the only one out there" I'm being to wonder if I'm desitined to be alone. I guess I just think that since I *should* be out of college by now with a good paying job now's when people my age consider settling down and starting to work on the "life plan." I don't even know where to start looking for someone to date, much less settle with. I mean...the only place I can think of up here to meet people is a bar...and my type don't frequent bars. So what. Start going to AA meetings? Hahahaha. I just don't know. There's gotta be someplace, but more than likely it requires shelling out cash I don't have to blow. Oh well...life sucks then you die right? At least that seems to be the theme.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 17th, 2003 10:59 pm (UTC)
Are you taking classes now? Cuz that's a good place to meet people. Also, studying at the library, the union, student clubs you can join, etc etc. If you're still in school there's tons of options for meeting people that don't involve the bar scene.

Would your parents cosign a loan for you? My parents did, so that's how I have enough money to live here and pay for tuition. Otherwise there's always student loans. As long as your work part time while you're in school, you should have enough to make it.
Dec. 18th, 2003 12:06 pm (UTC)
I've tried the local community college. I haven't had much luck. I've taken almost a year and a half worth of credits and I think I've had so much as two conversations. Most of the students there are older and have been laid off of their jobs at local plants and the ones that aren't just don't seem to be on the same page. They've just graduated *I'm 23, so even though the age difference isn't much the maturity level usually is* and are still in the kid phase. Not that I'm all grown up, but firing spit wads just doesn't do it for me ;) As for the library, I go there quite often, again, just not a big thing up here. It's more a mater of luck here *as anywhere, but moreso here I think*

My parents are already helping me with a car right now, and they helped me start with this place I'm at now, so I don't think they'd be an option for finicial backing. Like I said, if I could just get my security back from this place I'd be fine...but I don't see that happening. I'm sure there's a way though...I just need to sit down and crunch numbers and think. I'll be making about $1000 a month after the first of the year, so I'm sure there's a way somehow.
Dec. 18th, 2003 03:57 pm (UTC)
You could always sue Jesse if it had to come to that.
Dec. 18th, 2003 05:39 pm (UTC)
I'd hate to have it have to come to that...but I guess as a last resort.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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