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The Good News/Bad News

I dunno. Jesse and I talked for a long time. I just flat out told him that our relationship status is driving me nuts and that I'm emotionally so worn out I can't even place how I feel anymore. Everything just turns to anger because it's the easiest thing for me to do...just get upset and start yelling. He ended up saying that as long as we are together that it's no one else...just us. Which is good I guess but at the same time makes me wonder just how long "together" is for. He can't see anything long term and I can't see just going on for another month or two months or whatever just waiting for someone else to come along and for him to dump me. I mean this doesn't HAVE to happen...but it's just the way I hear that in my head. The whole "as long as" thing. But hey...I guess it's one step in the right direction. I'm not going to hold my breath or anything...but I'll enjoy my daily small victory.

Not much else is going on. I got to spend some one-on-one time with Jake, which was very nice. It's really a shame that my confidence in myself and what other people are all about is totally shot to hell. And it's really a shame that now wasn't a year and a half ago. I don't know. Feeling in the past that aren't totally in the past but aren't resurfacing either. Weird situation...but enjoyable all the same. We'll see. At least there's a place to go if it gets so bad here I want to off myself.

I should be getting to bed. I'm tired and cold and need to go crash. Laters...


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 7th, 2004 10:58 pm (UTC)
know what? i'm that way, too. as far as getting pissed and yelling right away, and then what i do is yell what i have on my mind and then just leave. i take after my father. but my last serious boyf always wanted to talk things out and not stop till they were solved. our "fighting techniques" totally clashed. i can relate to you in your last journal entry.
Mar. 8th, 2004 07:14 am (UTC)
Amanda. Move out. Leave him.

Mar. 8th, 2004 10:36 am (UTC)
is he that bad? wow. i've been gone from LJ A LONG TIME. i am so lost on what's happening.

anyway, that "as long as" thing... it kind of refers to two different contexts. one refers to you being his one and only, and that looking for someone else has not entered his mind. the other, well, it just means..he hasn't tried looking...yet. i dunno which one he is referring to. but i guess it was kind of sweet. you were getting angrier by the minute and he chose to stick by you, right?
Mar. 8th, 2004 11:43 am (UTC)
short sweet and to the point josh
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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