So not much exciting has been going on really in the life of Amanda/Amanada/Girly Pants/Marla.

I've been crying off and on for the last few days. I have no clue why I'm so over-sensitive as of late. Maybe it's something to do with lunar phases or something. Who knows? I take everything Jesse says the wrong way or to extremes. *even though a few of the things he's said...even with reflection...where a bit below the belt...I still normally don't get THAT shook up over things* I guess it's just part of life that people don't get along all the time...but for some reason it seems like we have a bipolar relationship:

Main Entry: bi·po·lar
Pronunciation: (")bI-'pO-l&r
Function: adjective
1 : having or marked by two mutually repellent forces or diametrically opposed natures or views

View #1: Everything is going to be okay if we just keep cool and stick together. Our good times outweigh our bad times and we need to focus on this positive aspect of our relationship more.
View #2: We're inevitably going to break up and we're just prolonging the hurt and bad feelings by staying together. We need to just say "fuck one another" and move on with our lives...whatever that means.

I don't know. That's how I answered nearly every question someone asked me today. I really don't know how I feel about anything anymore. I don't understand why I don't have a sex drive, why I'm crying all the time, why I feel great one second and like a piece of dirt the next. No clue. Really.


In other news...I finally showed my face to pilot_down. He didn't run away screaming so I figure that's a good sign. Unfortunately they cancelled my read-through that was supposed to be tonight, so I didn't get to get gas. Oh well...I'm sure many other oppertunities will come up. *side note...I'll be in town April 12th...if you're not doing anything let me know:)*

Called Shaun today because I was so upset and didn't know who else to call. I feel terrible because I think I've got him all worried now. I'm thinking about moving to Russia. Well...not SERIOUSLY considering it right now of course. But once he graduates *in about a year* he's thinking of going to get his masters. His sister is in Korea right now and a friend of her's went along. I mean, there are more unreasonable things I could do. I quickly looked into it and schooling, room, airfare, and some meals would be about $6,000 for one semester. That's just about cheaper than going to school here. They have an imersion program for non-Russian speaking students that basically gets you set to enter the university over there. It would be an amazing oppertunity and the more I learn about it the more I'll see. It sounds just so crazy and unbelievable right now that I can't take it truely seriously untill I learn more about everything.

Trying to figure out how I'm going to be able to get a car. I'm going to ask my mum tomorrow about how she thinks I should go about getting a loan and things like that. I have no clue where to begin. My credit's poor so I can't just go about it like a "normal" person and I guess she's the one who would know most about it right now. Or Jake...but I dunno. I can never get ahold of him.

Sandie's having a hard time at the bar tonight. Some rude old guy who made her stay open untill...well...now. :( I feel bad for her because she's a great bartender and sometimes she just gets these jerks. She seems a little tipsy though tonight. I just want everyone gone so I can relax for a little bit before the morning rush starts. Well...soon.

I think that's it...if anything else comes to mind I'll make another post.

Ta ta.