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yup...for once in my life I'm going to be decisive. I'm just going to let the whole mess go. I know it's not my usual thing to just stop thinking about pointless crap and chill...but for once I actually feel it's the best option. I know what's best for me...and so that's what I'm going to do. Even if it's not what I WANT to do. I've always been too much "in the moment" and maybe taking a look at the big picture will help me.

In other news I had a retively pleasent evening with Sean tonight. Hasn't happened in awhile. A couple of his friends and their girlfriends came over and we sat around and played Halo 3 and the demo of Guitar Hero 3 and some board games. Nothing off the wall crazy but that's the type of thing I like. I've always been a dork that way. Some of the best times I've had were sitting around playing cards or going bowling or other "dorky" activities. I don't care if I'm a dork. If I'm happy being a dork there shouldn't be a problem with it.

Other news...I'm supposed to have lines memorized by Monday. I'm scared. First off because we had another cast blowup on Thursday night...and we really can't afford to waste rehersal nights because a couple people get their panties in a bind. I wish people could just get over themselves and their personal differences and think about the big picture...as in the show. You might not get along with everyone...but you're acting...you can ACT like you do. I don't really get along with everyone either...but I haven't had any temper tantrums and walked out of rehersal. *sigh* I guess I'm just so used to avoiding confrontation and conflict that when other people go looking for it it makes me squeamish and nervous. I tend to retreat back into my shell. I doubt the rest of this show is going to be much fun. But at least I'll have something else to put on my resume when it's over. Woot. Also...I believe next semester's show is an all male cast *at least from what I can gather* so it's looking like I won't have to worry about it for the rest of the year anyhow.

Casey, Michelle and I went to U of I on Thursday to go costume hunting. That was fun. In some weird way I feel a little closer to the director which is cool. I'm just so used to really knowing the directors of the shows I'm in it's been weird being so distant. We talked about some really cool stuff that she's planning for Richland's theater program and it sounds like it would be a blast to be involved with. I don't know if I'll still be here...or even if she'd want me to help out in whatever way...but it would certainly be cool if I could.

Going to Champaign again on Sunday to see The Dog in the Manger with someone else from the cast. I'm a little nervous since there's been a couple weird/akward conversations through messenger...but that just goes along with the letting everything go thing from earlier. Even and horrible akward experience would be better than dragging someone like Sean *who hates anything resembling artistic expression* to it and being miserable. We'll see. The worst that can happen in I'm stuck in uncomfortable silence for a few hours with nothing to say. Won't be the first time and I'm sure it wouldn't be the last. At any rate...I'm looking forward to seeing the show and not looking like a total loser being there by myself.

Got tickets for A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum today with Casey and James...other cast people. We're sort of stuck on the side but it should still be entertaining. We'll see I guess.

I need to put the final touches on my Halloween costume. I went to Wally World and got lots of cool ribbons to try and tuck up the dress some. The top is going to just have to be a little off from the orginal...but as someone said to me "just go around singing "Be Our Guest" and "Beauty and the Beast" and they'll get it. Even if they don't I can just go back to the whole "princess" thing.

I think that's it. I'm getting tired and I want to memorize a few more pages of lines before I call it quits tonight.

Laters everyone...

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