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Fuck my life.

Well my life has offically gone to hell. Jesse's decided that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me.

Isn't that great. The ONLY guy I've EVER met who I felt comfortable talking to, being with, letting go and being myself with just decided to tell me ONLINE mind you that he doesn't think we're going to work out. And then proceeds to say how he loves me and he's there for me and yadda yadda yadda. And then he blames the whole thing on me when I thought that I was going to be moving to IL with my dad and gave his mother's ring back to him. Well what did he expect me to do...keep the damn thing? And he says that he just can't bring the feelings he had for me back. Well that's great...could you have maybe told me that then? So I wouldn't have had to waste the last month of my life? I want to be with him so bad, there were so many things I wanted to do with him. I guess it doesn't matter anymore. I tried calling him on the phone after it happened *about a half hour ago* but all I could do is sob. I sound so pathetic. "I'd do anything for you. Why are you doing this? There's nothing I can do is there?" Uggg...I've never cared about guys like that. I NEVER will again either. And I know that Margaret had to have something to do with this. Because all he's been talking about lately is how Margaret wants to break up with Matt and yadda yadda yadda...so Margaret becomes available again and poof...I'm gone. Yesterday he was in bed with me telling me how much he loves me and today it's "nope, don't want to be with you anymore...." WTF??? Oh well...I need to get over it. I could see it coming from a mile away. I don't know why I stayed this long. Oh yeah, because I love the bastard...that's right.

And on another uplifting note my stupidity has also pissed off my best/only friend. But I'm used to that. I guess that's to be expected too. I need to just shut my mouth and live in a bomb shelter alone with a bunch of books or something. *oh wait, I practically do that now*

Comments

(Anonymous)
Jun. 9th, 2003 02:37 pm (UTC)
the break up
Amanda this is Margaret and I am sorry but you can't use me as an excuse that you and Jesse aren't together. As for Matt and I , well I have been trying to break up with him for a long time now, since before Christmas. But it's not like he is a bad person or anything it's just that I don't see a long term relationship with him, we are never on the same "page".. Please don't blame me for anything. Jesse and I have known each other for geeze like 8 or 9 years now, and I hope to continue our friendship forever. You are a wonderful person and I know that Jesse wants you to be happy and to me it doesn't seem like you have been real happy. just with things in general. keep your chin up girl, maybe sometime away will bring you two back together even stronger than ever.. best of luck to you.. Margaret

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