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How pathetic am I?

I couldn't sleep at all last night and ended up going to my old house at like four in the morning. I got all freaked out because there was another car in the driveway and I was scared to walk in on Jesse doing something. It was Chris R...who I was hoping to get to talk to for a little while before he left but he without saying a word. Who knows what Jesse told him...and who cares really. I was just talking to him about not feeling good about everything a few days ago and was hoping he could lend me some perspective. I just feel so crappy about myself right now hanging onto this. Once I realized Jesse was alone I layed next to him for a few minutes just to remember. I wanted to kiss him so bad but I knew that it would be pointless.
I don't even know why I'm here. Everything I look at makes me burst into tears. I had left a message on the tack board saying that he wasn't going to able to get me to leave ever...buisiness card holder that had the cards he made for me it...the worst of all is the picture of him mum with the ring. I put my necklace in an envelope last night and was going to leave it behind the picture...but I don't think so now. I also want to rip Maine and New York out of an atlas and leave it...just stupid stuff. It's just terrible how I can't let this go.
And the worst part is I can't bring myself to email dad. It just makes it too real.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
jesssmiles2042
Jun. 11th, 2003 11:52 am (UTC)
I never sleep very well anymore ever. ~HUGZ~ I hope u got some sleep last night though.

Jess
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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